I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
