i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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