The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
