Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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