I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize