oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize