I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
