This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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