there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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