I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
