Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
