apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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