So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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