Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize