I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
