Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
