i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
