pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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