is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's rum buckets o'clock
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
