Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Let's get the cat blown out
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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