I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
