this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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