So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
