How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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