"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
