I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
