Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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