What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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