he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
