He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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