You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
