I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
