So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
