the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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