wanna go halves on a baby?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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