i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
