Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
