Your tits are I can't wait for
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
