Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
