Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
