where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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