yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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