I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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