Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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