Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
