If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize