I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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