You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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