I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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