My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
