The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
