i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she pinky promised me she was 18
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize