Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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