I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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