I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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