My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
