Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
