the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i was born a porn star she said
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
