Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Plan B is the new Plan A
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
