I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize