I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
