Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
