I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
