he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize