i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
