I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
