Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
