the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
