can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
